they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
