so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
