you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
