I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
