I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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