Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
