I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
