I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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