I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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