I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
