kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
