We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
