the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
