Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cockslap morals
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
