I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
