i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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