Jerry, you need to find god
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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