Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
