I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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