i just had sex bonerless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
