holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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