Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
