found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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