somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize