I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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