I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jerry, you need to find god
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
