So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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