I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
