I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
