Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
