My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
