peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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