just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize