Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
