apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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