If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
