the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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