The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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