walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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