I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
