the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
