I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
