I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
