i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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