I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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