I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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