I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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