Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
