You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
