he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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