STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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