I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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