You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
