it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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