If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
