she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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