see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
