you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
