alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize