her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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