The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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