At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
