RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
