all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A+ Viking dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
