i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
