I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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