I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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