Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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