Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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