I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
