I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
