So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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