She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
