I wannas sexs uuuuu
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
