My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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