my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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