Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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