I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
