I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
