You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
