just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
