we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
