I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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