I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
