Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have post one night stand depression
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