I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
