you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
