if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
