Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
