i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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