She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
