when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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