K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're like a lot better than the average bears
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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