just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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