you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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