So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Operation Purity has been aborted
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize