hotel room ftw
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
