So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
